Chance
by Bobbie23
Summary: Set after my other story Pursuing, Elliot takes a huge risk.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer – I don't own **_**Law and Order: Special Victims Unit**_** or any of the characters.**

**Author Note – I've decided to give into denial, join me? **_**Scorched Earth **_**never happened. Jenna and her mother weren't attacked and the rapist got sent to prison for life. This is a follow on from my other story **_**Pursuing, **_**though it didn't start out that way. The story switches between Elliot's and Olivia's perspective, each change is highlighted with a line divide. A review will be greatly appreciated.**

Chance

"_How can one change one's entire life and build a new one on one moment of love? And yet, that's what you make me want to close my eyes and do."  
>― <em>_Greta Garbo_

Elliot sits opposite Cragen as the older man meticulously reads the papers in his hands. A deep frown resides on his face and Elliot sits back watching his eyes scanning every word, making sure everything was in order. Elliot had done the same thing before submitting them. The blinds are open and he can feel Olivia's worried gaze on the back of his head.

He knows she's curious. She's been watching him for days, probably since he first came to see Cragen a few weeks ago. Elliot had shared his intentions with the Captain, asked for his help, for his blessing.

_Cragen had huffed out a sigh, stuffed his hands in his pockets. Staring at Elliot, searching, and figuring out. "Are you sure this is what you want to do?"_

"_Yes," Elliot answered confidently._

It plagued him for months before he finally decided to go through with it. A slow realisation dawning on him as the year passed. It had been a death that gave him the final push to do it.

And a hug. Elliot had held her in his arms three times and he couldn't fathom not doing it again. He had to drag himself away from Olivia last time, almost told her what he had been planning when they stood wrapped around one another in her kitchen, as he breathed in her shampoo, his lips nuzzling her skin. It hadn't been time to tell her, not when she was still upset about Sonya. He had to walk away.

Cragen closed the file and clasped his hands together on top of it, protectively, concealing it and its' content. He stared impassively at Elliot, who didn't react to it. He was certain of his decision and though Cragen hadn't said so out loud, Elliot knew he supported the decision especially with how swiftly he'd dealt with the request. The strings he pulled for Elliot.

"I'm going to ask you once more," Cragen said slowly. "Are you sure about this?"

Elliot nodded his response sure and unwavering. "I've thought about this for a long time."

Cragen's lip twitched but he didn't smile. Mixed in with the beginnings of a smirk in Cragen's eyes, Elliot saw pride too.

"I know," the captain told him with a bob of his head.

His eyes shift to look over Elliot's shoulder, and Elliot knows he's just locked gazes with Olivia. He doesn't need to turn his head to know she's just ducked her head to keep up the pretence of doing paperwork. As it was Elliot knew she hadn't believed him when he told her was handing in his paperwork on time.

Cragen's eyes flick back to his, a crease of concentration set on his forehead. "When are you going to tell Olivia?"

Elliot shifts in his chair, moving to cover the window, unconsciously putting himself between Cragen and Olivia. This was his decision and though she was one of the reasons, this was all on him. She knew he was planning something, but he hadn't involved her in this decision. She would have talked him out of it. Self-preservation would have forced her too. Her concern grew daily and he hoped that wouldn't count against him when he revealed his deception.

"I'm going to talk to her tonight," he replies coughing lightly to cover his apprehension.

Cragen juts his chin upwards in contemplation, his lip quirks then straightens again instantly. The pride is clearer on his face. The crease in his brow disappears as he nods. "Good luck with that."

Elliot sighs at the levity in his voice, but he knows Cragen isn't joking. He knows exactly what's at stake here, understands the risk Elliot's taking and he's worried about them all. The ramifications could rip them all apart. He chooses not to respond to the older man, his own doubt playing on his mind. No matter how much Elliot thought about it there was still that nagging assumption that he could be entirely wrong about this and there's a chance he's about to ruin his relationship with his partner.

He's already taken one risk…

"Captain," Elliot begins but it's met with a small wave of Cragen's hand, cutting him off. The older man doesn't need to hear the gratitude Elliot was about to bestow on him. Neither of them are the kind of man who needs to hear platitudes of thanks or musings of their time working together. Elliot couldn't even shake his hand because that would terrify Olivia as she watched.

"You've got plans tonight, I don't see the point sitting there all night Detective," Cragen told him.

Elliot nodded as he stood, silently accepting his dismissal. There was nothing else to say until Elliot figured out the next part. He casually walked out of the office, hiding his smile when Olivia's head stayed bowed over the folder on her desk. Her pen tapped in quick succession on the wooden table top. She was nervous and refusing to look at Elliot.

Elliot cleared his throat loudly and groaned as he walked past her to his side of their conjoined desk. His trained his gaze on her face, waiting for her reaction. She glanced up at him from under hooded eyes and he felt guilty for keeping her in the dark over his plans. But she would have talked him out of it if she had known. It would have scared her more than not knowing.

He looks at her warmly and in response she flashes him a smile which doesn't reach her eyes. She's troubled by his obvious deception, wondering when he's going to let her in on the secret which she thinks will rip them apart.

He hopes it doesn't.

He hopes she'll forgive him for his indiscretion.

Elliot rests his hands on the back of his chair, on top of his coat, not making a move to sit in it as he returns her scrutiny. He clears his throat again, much softer this time as he leans slightly forward to match her hunched over body language. Conspiratorially, invitingly.

"You got plans tonight?" Elliot asks and her brow kinks in response, her shock evident. He steadfastly ignores the stares he feels coming from Munch and Fin. He knows they're watching him, they're too quiet not to be.

Olivia shakes her head. "No," she says with a frown.

He curls his hands over the lapels of the coat and takes it off of the chair to slip his arms through the sleeves. He feels the padded envelope through the lining of his inside pocket and pats in subconsciously. "You got time to make a stop with me before I take you home?" Elliot asks as he stands before her expectantly. Waiting.

Olivia pauses, uncertain. She knows he's going to tell her what he's been hiding from her. And she's not sure if she wants to know. He sees the moment when her curiosity wins out and she silently rises from her chair and wraps her own coat around her body. Without saying anything else Elliot leads the way out of the squad room.

Olivia follows and catches up with him at the elevator. They don't speak in the elevator, stepping out together and walking to the car. Elliot unlocks the car and they slide in simultaneously.

…

Olivia holds her tongue as Elliot starts the car and pulls out into traffic. He concentrates on the traffic and doesn't cast a look in her direction. He's been hiding from her and she's wanted to ask him what's wrong for weeks, almost cornering him about it several times.

She fought the trepidation as she wordlessly followed him, wondering if his secret was something she didn't want to fathom. He wasn't just sneaking about, it was his attitude that was bothering Olivia. He was calmer, almost peaceful unless they had a case. The warm looks which portrayed more affection than they should were more frequent and Olivia's stomach churned uncomfortably in response, scared at the implications.

Olivia watches him during the ten minute journey which takes thirty. She rolls her eyes when he yells at a cab for cutting him off. She jolts forward in her seat when he has to break hard and holds back her snicker when he lets out a frustrated sigh as they wait at a red light. She holds in her curiosity when he double checks his watch twice as they wait for it to turn green.

Eventually they pull up outside an office and Elliot holds out a hand to stop her as she goes to unbuckle her seat belt.

"I'll be quick," he says without explanation, ignoring her frown.

Elliot jumps from the car and goes inside. Olivia is captivated as she watches him talk to a woman through the window. The woman plasters on a fake smile and nods along with Elliot's explanation. She goes to a filing cabinet and pulls out a folder to remove some paper work from it and hands it to Elliot. He reads it quickly before bending forward to lean on the desk as he signs it. A bigger insincere smile grows on the woman's face and she accepts the papers back and separates them to hand a copy back to Elliot. He tucks it in to the inside pocket of his coat and holds his hand out as the woman drops a set of keys into his outstretched palm. They exchange a few more words before Elliot leaves the office and she locks the door behind him.

He doesn't say anything as he slips back into the car and restarts the engine. The next part of their journey is much quicker and soon he's pulling in to a street fifteen blocks from her apartment. Her curiosity peaks when he parks the car and takes the key out of the ignition. Elliot sits there and stares out of the windshield at the building across the road.

Olivia stares at the building and is suddenly overcome with the urge to be somewhere far away, anywhere other than here. There's a small voice in the back of her head which somehow knows what he's going to tell her.

And she doesn't want to know.

But she needs to know.

Elliot looks at her and he looks as scared as she feels. His chest expands and contracts as he breathes deeply. He is gathering courage to do this. This is what he's planned and he needs something to push him to go through with it. Curiosity wins out against the fear and she hopes her faith in him is worth the dread growing in her heart.

He's scared too, she realises.

Olivia moves her arm and unclasps her seat belt.

The sound of the click spurs him into action and he copies her action. They exit the car together and he meets her in the middle of the road and they cross to the building which they had just observed. Elliot edges ahead as they reach the sidewalk and he jogs up the stairs to the front door. He pulls the newly acquired set of keys from his pocket and fumbles to find the right one for the lock.

Elliot silently leads her through the building and up to the third floor. Neither of them hesitates but Olivia's trepidation multiplies with each passing floor. Her heart pounds in her chest. Elliot stops in front of a door and they share a long look as he pushes the key into the lock. He pushes it open and gestures for her to go ahead of him. She stands still, looking at his stoic face. She sees through the mask. He's afraid, worried about whatever is on the other side of the threshold, worried about what he's about to reveal. He wants her to take the lead, to let him know it's okay to tell her.

Olivia takes a step through the doorway. The apartment is dark and behind her Elliot flips the switch for the lights. Her eyes adjust to see an empty open plan living space, like hers but slightly bigger. Instead of one bedroom coming off the living room, there is two and a third door which she presumes leads to the bathroom.

She stops in the middle of the room trying to comprehend what he's telling her, tries to pretend it's a dream and she'll wake up in her bed any second now and she'll be left with the usual disappointment which accompanies these fantasies. But she knows she won't. His footsteps are too loud as he follows her and stops where the living room meets the kitchen. She can feel his eyes on her, waiting for her to react to what he's showing her.

The deafening silence continues and she knows he's wondering if he's made a mistake by doing whatever the hell he has done.

Olivia slowly turns to face him. Their eyes meet.

Elliot's head bobs and he clears his throat. "I move in tomorrow," he says.

Olivia's jaw drops and she fights the urge to avert her eyes. She wants to leave because it's all too much. She marvels all of the implications, everything he tells her with those four words. She has no idea where he mustered the strength to do this but she draws on that strength to stay where she is. Then she feels the guilt, knows what he's given up.

Suddenly her anger springs to the surface.

This is what he's been hiding, for weeks, and that was easy for him.

Telling her was the hard part.

…..

Elliot gives up on waiting for her to reply and reaches into the inside pocket in his jacket. He pulls out a folded set of papers and holds them out to her, mutely waiting for her to take them. She's shaking ever so slightly and he knows she doesn't realise.

This is what it all hinges on.

Even if she walks out and never speaks to him again, he wouldn't undo what he's done.

It took him a long time to realise that it needed to happen no matter what happened after. It was relief to sign the papers, and he knew he wasn't the only one who felt that way. He steels himself for her reaction and is fully prepared to chase her if she runs. She needs to know everything before she walks away.

Olivia looks determined and angry as she lifts a quivering arm expectantly, telling him to close the distance and place them into her hand. He steps forward, knowing she's realised what he's trying to tell her and she's furious. Elliot doesn't back down though, he can't. He wants to see this through.

He's fascinated as she unfolds the document and her eyes shift as she skim reads the page, finally pausing on the signatures at the bottom.

Finally she lifts her head and the words catch in her throat. He is exactly where he was when she started reading but he feels closer. His face softens but he doesn't step back. He's blocking her exit and she knows how quick he will move to stop her from leaving.

"I'm sorry about you and Kathy," Olivia tells him as she refolds the papers calmly but not without frustration, and presses them into his hand.

"It was a mutual decision," Elliot replies with a quiet cough. Olivia searches his faces to see if he's lying. He feels guilty about the divorce, for being the one who filled the papers to end his marriage. It had been his idea but Kathy didn't fight him on it, she hadn't been surprised when he asked her for the separation. Relieved more than anything. They had tried but for all the effort they put in, almost forcing it, neither of them had been happy in their marriage for a long time. They still loved each other and always would, but it wasn't the same.

Olivia nods but doesn't say anything. Apart from shock he can see the anger simmering there. She's already using it to mentally and emotionally distance herself. There's accusation, too. She wants to know why he kept her out of the loop. Deep down she knows but she needs to hear it from him.

"You were miserable last time," Olivia states vehemently.

"Because I was trying to figure out what I wanted," he replies. He doesn't need to add that he only went home because of Eli. He finally realised he and Kathy were finished and he didn't want to go home until he had to out of obligation to Kathy and his unborn child. "We tried to make it work but," Elliot shakes his head. "It didn't. We trying to tell the kids to be happy and we can't do that when we're not completely happy."

"You could have told me," Olivia says her anger mellowed by his soft tone.

Elliot shook his head. "You would have talked me out of it."

"Not if you don't want me to," she insists weakly.

"You're trying to tell me that you wouldn't have tried telling me to make it work?" He questions and Olivia doesn't answer. She would have. "This needed to happen Liv," Elliot adds gently and takes half a step towards her.

…

She stiffens as he steps closer and he stops. She doesn't how he's so calm about this, so accepting. But then he's had months to get used to the idea.

"Then why tell me now?" She asks, her anger rising to the surface.

"Because you need to know," Elliot replies calmly.

Her eyes narrow because he's too calm. Elliot has been lying to her for weeks and somehow she knows it's not just his divorce, there's something else. As if reading her thoughts Elliot reaches into his jacket again and takes out another set of papers, once again handing them over to her.

Olivia cautiously accepts them and opens them with bated breath. The words of this document hurt her more than the first and she can't hold back the ire which flares as she reaches the bottom of the page.

"You son of a bitch," she seethes as she thrust them back to him and takes the opportunity to get a head start as he fumbles with the papers. He lets them drop because they're not as important as explaining to her. She's curious to know what he has to say but she needs to calm down first.

Elliot follows quickly and with his longer stride he's able to overcome the head start she had. She's pulling open the front door when his arm comes over her shoulder and slams it shut. Everything abruptly stops and Elliot's arm relaxes but stays there, preventing her from leaving, when she releases the door knob. His chest is just touching her back and his breath is brushing her ear. Her head twists slightly as she raises it defiantly.

"You're leaving," she accuses. Somehow this is worse than concealing his divorce.

"I'm leaving Special Victims, not you," Elliot insists into her ear. "Hear me out Liv," he implores.

He's begging and she realises this is why he's waited so long to tell her. He knew this was how she would react. He's blindsided her. Ever theory she has come up with about his secrecy were pale in comparison to this. She thought he was ill, maybe one of the kids or Kathy.

Elliot's other arm grasps her and spins her to face him. The motion brings her closer to him and they're chest to chest. She's pinned between him and the door and his arm is still over her shoulder. She swears she can almost feel his heartbeat against her as he leans into her. He's a physically imposing man but Elliot isn't trying to intimidate her and she feels nervous rather than scared.

"Where?" Olivia asks.

His eyes narrow as if he's forgotten what they were talking about. His brain catches up and face slackens. "Homicide," he says thickly and before she can ask when he adds, "Monday."

Her knee almost buckles, though she somehow manages to keep standing. Today had been his last day at Special Victims. "Let me go Elliot," she stresses. He's too close and she feels suffocated.

"Not until you hear me out," he replies even though he lowers his arm from over her shoulder, sensing her reaction to his proximity. "I'm leaving the Unit Liv," Elliot reiterates.

As much as she wants to go she won't back down. It's not just pride that's holding her in place it's a compulsion to know Elliot's reasons no matter how difficult they may be to hear. "Why?" She asks.

…..

"Because I needed another option," Elliot replies cautiously. "We needed another option," he insists quietly. He needs to find a way to get her to stay and on her own terms.

Olivia's eyes flash and once again he hates having to box her in, trap her, but she would be long gone if she wasn't. "You're presuming a lot Elliot," she tells him with a defiant jut of her chin.

The action makes him sneak a glance at her lips and from her sharp intake of breath in indignation; he knows she's caught him. Elliot drags his eyes up to hers and shakes his head. "No, I'm not," he said.

Her ire is weaning and he misses it. There is an uncontrollable part of him which wants to stir and provoke it because he knows how beautiful she looks when angry and then there's another part which is telling him to shut the hell up because if he pisses her off enough she's going to walk out of the apartment and his life for good. But…

"Or maybe I wanted to be the one who left this time," Elliot quips as he steps away from her. He smirks teasingly, and it's not out of amusement. He expects her to whirl around and hear the door slam as she rushes through it. She doesn't.

"You're bringing that up now?" Olivia replies this time advancing on him as he steps back towards the living room.

From the tone of her voice Elliot should be worried. He can't be, not when his tactic worked. She's following him back into the living room. She's staying. Despite the dangerous ground he's treading on he can't help prodding a little more. "So it's not going to get _complicated_ again?"

"You bastard." She's seething now, but still follows him to the living room, their earlier positions reversed. Her anger is fixated on him but Elliot's still scared she'll run and he's not between her and the door. "You don't get to bring me here and spring this on me," her voice rising with her anger.

"How else was I supposed to tell you Liv?" Elliot retorts, his own frustration evident. "You would have run before I filed the papers."

"Don't make this about me," she warns.

"This is about you," Elliot replies.

"No, this is about you Elliot," Olivia insists with a scoff. "You didn't trust me enough to tell me three life changing decisions you've suddenly made."

"I'm not the only one who holds back," he points out. "And I've been thinking about this for a while."

…

"Long enough for you to file for divorce." She knows it's a low shot but she can't help it. Elliot straightens in response and she regrets saying it. "It's your marriage, so don't tell me you ended it because of me."

Elliot tenses and she instinctively takes a step back. "You know what? Go," he tells her with a nod towards the door. He's much calmer than she expects with the look he's pinning her with. The one he uses on perps. "I'm trying to talk to you and you're doing everything you can to push me away. I'm going to Homicide on Monday and I wanted to explain this to you, sort this out with you before that happens. Don't tell me I didn't try when you're the one who didn't listen."

It's a silent battle between them, a challenge. Give in or give up. Leave or stay.

She stays.

"I don't want another partner," Olivia whispers. That's her apology and he stares at her blankly.

"Neither do I," he sighs in defeat, his cerulean blues softening in sympathy, sadly. "I'll never be comfortable with someone else watching your back."

"Then why are you leaving?" Olivia hates the whine in her voice.

"Because there are other things I want to put first for a change," Elliot explains. "Other people."

She looks at him guardedly, not giving anything away. He's not just implying now, he's saying it out right. He's putting a lot of faith into her, sacrificed a lot for her. She's scared it's too much. She doesn't want the responsibility of someone else's happiness placed solely on her shoulders.

"What about the unit? The victims?"

"They need you Liv," he says gently. "Not me."

"I need you," she replies with a strained whisper.

It's the truth and Olivia hates to admit it. She's never needed anyone but she doesn't want to think about doing this job without him. At some point in the last thirteen years Elliot has inserted himself into her life, crossed boundaries she's never let anyone else cross and she's let him get away with it. At first she fought him on it, yelled at him about it. But she was secretly touched he cared enough, was stubborn enough, to be protective of her when she was more than capable of protecting herself. It felt nice and in the last few years she's let him do it without questioning; only grumbling weakly out of necessity rather than wanting to. She allows him comfort her when no one else has ever done that and he does it in a way which doesn't always placate her but lets her know she isn't alone in her thoughts or feelings.

"I'm not leaving you," Elliot repeats softly but it still manages to bring her back from her thoughts.

"It feels like you are," Olivia says trying to stop her voice from cracking.

…

Elliot isn't unaffected and swallows thickly. He steps closer to her, his voice lowering, deepening, and almost growls as he speaks. "I'm not," he promises. "I just can't go on like this, can't fight this anymore." His hands reach out and grasp her waist when she looks away from him and her eyes blink to avert the tears building there.

"You're expecting too much," she tells him.

"I'm not expecting anything Liv. I'm telling you because I _have_ to, not because I expect anything to happen." Elliot pauses when she turns to face him; he sees the doubt, the caution, the warning. "You were right, this isn't just about you. It's about me too."

"Say that again," she orders gently.

"It's about me too," he repeats.

"No, the bit about me being right," Olivia corrects him with a sad flash of a smile.

Elliot smirks indulgently but the joke is clouded with agony. She's trying to cover her fear. He understands how daunting this is to her and she needs time to come to her own conclusions, her own decision.

He looks down between them briefly. He's still holding her waist and he's astonished by the fact she isn't moving away from him. Then again their physical boundaries have been receding just like their emotional ones. When Elliot raises his head again he finds her looking at him from under hooded eyes, pondering, fearfully.

Elliot remembers the last time he held her, remembered how she relaxed into his arms, and didn't pull away when he kissed her neck. He had to walk away because it hadn't been time. He doesn't have to walk away now. Neither of them does.

He maintains eye contact as he ducks his head a fraction. He pauses, waits for Olivia to react, pull back, and walk away. She doesn't. He moves slowly, making his intention clear. His nose brushes hers and he pauses again. Their breath mingles for a moment before Olivia lifts her chin slightly and it's all that Elliot needs to close the distance.

Elliot presses his lips to Olivia's softly, languidly, allowing her to get used to touch. He tries to memorise everything. The feel of her as she relaxes, the softness of her lips, the sharp intake of breath as she takes the lead before she presses her lips harder to hers.

….

Olivia slides her hand over his jacket, his chest hard beneath the fabric. Her hand caresses his neck, stroking him lightly as she gives in to the feel of him. He grips her waist tighter, pulling her to him as he nudges her lips again. He sucks her lower lip between his and she sighs into him, surrendering to his kiss. All the harsh words and feelings of frustration from moments ago ebb away as they get lost in each other.

She willingly opens her mouth under his when he coaxes her to. Olivia smiles into him when he lets out a little growl. His hands are warm through her jacket as they begin to roam. His actions are as urgent as she feels as the kiss deepens. Their tongues duel and clash. They both gasp at the same time but they continue to revel in the feel of each other.

The hand holding his neck dips lower, under the slightly open collar of his work shirt. Elliot tenses and he jerks away. Olivia pauses out of shock at the abrupt halt to the kiss, the loss of his touch, wondering if she had done something wrong.

Immediately sensing her concern, Elliot shakes his head. "I'm sorry," he breathes out heavily. "I don't want to rush you-"

"It's okay Elliot," she assures him by laying a hand on his forearm.

"I don't expect more Liv," he promises. "But I needed to know, I needed you to know. That couldn't happen if we continued to work together, we would have been split up."

"I'm glad you finally told me, no matter how long it took you tell me," she tells him with a pointed glance around the living room. She lets herself enjoy the moment, ignoring the tiny voice in the back of her head warning her that there are still obstacles that need to be overcome. She has a lot of questions but they can wait until she's calmer and he's willing to give her the answers she needs. Olivia realises what he's done for her, putting her, them, first. Elliot has given them a chance and she hopes its' worth what he's given up. Olivia gives a slight shake of her head to get rid of those thoughts.

Elliot looks at her again, oblivious to her musings; a tiny smirk ignites on his face. "And I don't want our first time to be on a floor of an apartment which I haven't moved into yet."

Her mouth drops and a surprised laugh escapes at his brazen comment. While he's never been known for his tact, he's never been this forward. This is new for them. Elliot steps into her again, and dips his head to kiss her quickly. A slow lazy smile grows on her face as he pulls away, allowing herself to be drawn into his teasing.

"I'm not helping you move," she tells him.

His eye brow quirks in amusement. "What about helping me unpack?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note – I decided to add a second chapter. I'm switching again between Elliot's and Olivia's perspectives. Hope you enjoy…I would love to know what you think, so if you have the time a review would be greatly appreciated.**

**Its' M RATED, so if you're a minor or are uncomfortable with that kind of material don't read beyond this point.**

Chance – chapter two

"_There is no intensity of love or feeling that does not involve the risk of crippling hurt. It is a duty to take this risk, to love and feel without defence or reserve."  
>― <em>_William S. Burroughs_

She knows she's hiding but she can't help it. There was no way she could watch him do what he's doing now. So under the pretence of getting a cup of tea from the vendor downstairs, Olivia had all but fled the squad room for the sanctity of the roof while Elliot packed up his desk.

She hadn't seen him since Friday after he had taken her home, hadn't spoken to him either. Not since he told her he was divorced, told her he was transferring to homicide tomorrow. Not since he kissed her. He kissed her again when he took her home, a feather light touch of his lips against hers as they stood outside her front door. It was quick but left her wanting more as she unconsciously moved her head to follow his as he withdrew.

Then without another word he left her alone with her thoughts.

She had welcomed the distraction of work today, catching up on paperwork may be a tedious task but it can distract you from other things. It was Sunday and she had been the one on call, the only one in the squad room. Olivia had been tackling the last of her paperwork when he breezed through the door and dumped an empty box in the middle of his desk.

She hated him for making her feel this way. And no matter how many times Elliot told he hadn't given all this up for her, she knew she was part of the reason. She hated the obligation to feel something before she was ready to. It was too quick, rushed and she wanted to bolt as fast as she could. Those brochures on her kitchen counter, the ones with the picture of the perfect beach had never been so appealing.

It wasn't because she didn't feel the same way he does, deep down she knows she does. But she's not ready to admit it. Not like him, she needs time to get used to him not being married, to not being partners. Needs time to adjust, maybe to be just friends before anything else.

No.

They wouldn't be friends.

They may understand each other better than anyone else, know more about one another but they weren't friends. Not really. They were always going to be more than that.

One extreme or the other.

He told her doesn't expect more, but that's what he wants eventually. She wonders how long he could wait for her. Elliot's not known for his patience despite how long he can wait out an interrogation to get a new lead or a confession.

Elliot thinks he's given them freedom to explore whatever this is between them. Olivia doesn't think it's so much a freedom as a binding to definite future, one she has thought of, dreamt of, but not one she's sure she wants. One that she's certain will destroy what they have already. She doesn't want to lose him; she's scared that's what will happen if they change things between them. She doesn't want imagine a life without him, which is why she wants to keep their relationship the way it is now.

He was so calm when he told her, when he handed over the folded papers which irrevocably changed their lives. Olivia had no idea how long he'd been planning it, but he had time to get used to it. It annoyed her that he had made this decision without consulting her. She has no idea how their relationship would work unless they were tethered together by the job.

Elliot was right. She would have run if he told her.

Olivia hears the access door creak open and steels herself when she hears the familiar footsteps walk towards her. She refuses to turn her head to look at him even when he hunkers down and holds steaming cup of tea in front of her. She accepts it and her fingers warm around the cup. This is dangerous, she thinks to herself. They shouldn't be doing this here. Not on the roof of the precinct.

"Thank you," she says and her voice sounds too small even to her.

Elliot settles beside her and sips his coffee. He doesn't try to get her to look at him. He's waiting and she's not sure what he expects. Knowing him he already knows what she's thinking, but he's petrified to hear it out loud.

"_I have to walk away from this."_

She thinks back to that night in her apartment when he brought her Chinese food after Sonya's funeral. The way he held her tightly, kissed her neck, breathed her in. She wanted more that night. How she wanted to give in to his comfort, feel his lips on hers. How he said he had to walk away. He knew that night, she realised. She wonders if he already started planning this, or if it was after, if that was the moment Elliot realised something had to change.

"I don't know how to be anything other than partners with you," Olivia says before blowing on the surface of the tea and taking a sip.

"It's been forty eight hours Liv," Elliot replies gently. "Give it some time."

"That's easy for you to say, you've had a lot longer than I have to get used to this." She wants to catch him up, be where he is now.

"I should have told you," he concedes. "But then this wouldn't have happened."

"You can't justify keeping this from me because it involves me too." She takes a breath and he doesn't reply. She's glad because she's not finished. "You don't have the right to make this choice for me."

"You would have run," Elliot tries to argue.

"Then you should have respected that."

He tenses and she regrets telling him. No matter how much they understand each other, they hate being honest with one another. It draws them closer, removes boundaries, their longing grows, the urge to give in to temptation, while ever present, is harder to resist.

They have changed so much since Guintano, since Oregon, and the last few years they have weathered the tension, the arguments, and their partnership has come out stronger. At some point they stopped denying their attraction; whenever anyone questioned it they would say it would never happen, not that they didn't feel anything for the other.

"Are you going to run?"

His voice is quiet but it cuts through the noise rising from the streets below. His voice quivers and she knows what he wants to hear but she can't bring herself to lie to him, not when he's the one who started this.

"Are you going to sit outside my apartment if I say I don't know? Because I don't Elliot."

He huffs out a sigh. She hates it when he sulks, but he needs to give her space to sort her head out. "I'm not asking you for more," Elliot insists, his voice is rough with frustration, almost as if he thinks this is simpler than it is.

"Yes, you are Elliot," Olivia tells him. "You may think that you're not but you are. You can't tell me you're not going to regret this decision, regret giving up your family, if I can't be more than friends with you."

Beside her Elliot shakes his head slowly and huffs again. "See that's what I've had to come to terms with," he says gently. "Even if nothing ever happened with us, I couldn't stay with Kathy, that's not fair to anyone."

Her mind reels and she looks out over the horizon, the sun setting over the skyline of high rise buildings. They have grown closer, they have stopped denying, but none of that has been intentional. Elliot deliberately removed this boundary from them. She resists the urge to look at his now bare ring finger which rests on the leg brushing against hers. Her eyes had been irresistibly drawn to it when he started packing up his desk earlier. It was taunting her, enticing her. Once it had been a barrier she dare not cross. There were times when she wished the ring wasn't there, now she wanted it back, shielding her from the turmoil of the last forty eight hours.

"And you're okay with that?" Olivia questions sceptically, almost wistfully.

…

She was right. In a way.

He hasn't been single for nearly thirty years. He knew she assumed this was his reaction to the divorce, that he wanted a rebound relationship to soften the blow of his marriage falling apart. It wasn't a rebound, it never would be with her, and he had no idea how else to tell her, how to make her understand he didn't expect it to happen overnight. He didn't want an instant relationship. He wanted to date her, be one of the rare guys who were lucky enough to meet her after work; he wanted to know what she was like outside of work. Yes, he had more than once entertained the fantasy of what it would be like to come home to her, but he was well aware that was a long way down the line.

Olivia had to overcome whatever she was afraid of before any of that happened. Elliot knew she assumed he thought divorce meant he had failed. The first time he and Kathy separated he had thought that too. He believed his actions hurt everyone, Kathy, the kids, himself. He had been angry and frustrated, and he was ashamed to admit he had taken that out on Olivia when he was confused by his attraction to her during that time, refusing to acknowledge it at first. It felt different this time, because it felt like he had finally done something right.

"I am okay with that," Elliot replied even though he wasn't sure if her question was rhetorical. "You may not think that I am but I am."

There's a long silence as she digests his answer.

"When did you decide to do this?"

"I asked Kathy for the divorce before I asked Cragen for a transfer."

Her gaze keeps focused on the horizon as Olivia's chin lifts in acknowledgment, as if realising something for the first time. "What did you say to Cragen when he asked you why?" She asked guardedly.

Elliot understood her concern. They both look up to the man like a father. Cragen was shocked when Elliot first went to him, but Cragen hadn't asked his motives for the decision. He seemed to know why Elliot made the decision he had. Initially there had been disappointment, but that dissipated into resigned amusement when Cragen came to his own conclusions.

"Cragen didn't ask," Elliot explains.

Olivia expels a sound that is half way between a scoff and a laugh. It's out of disbelief and he knows she's wondering what the older man thinks about their situation. She's worried about facing him.

"He already knew," Olivia surmises self-consciously. Her head duck as she tightens her jacket around her. Elliot isn't sure if it's to fend off the falling temperature due to the setting sun or if it's to provide some protection from this conversation.

"He didn't mention it, but I think he assumes."

"Just like everyone else will," Olivia says tightly.

"Just like they've assumed we've been sleeping together since we started working together," Elliot argues back.

She does have a point, he concedes silently. Olivia was more private than he was, rarely disclosing anything about her life outside of the precinct, the one he wanted to be a part of. He didn't want people prying into their private lives. There was no way they could stop people thinking what they already thought. They had to ignore it, just like they always had. She's still brooding over his response and he needs to do something to stop her. This isn't the conversation he wanted to have.

"Do you regret kissing me?" He asks quietly.

"You kissed me," she replies automatically, her chin turning half way in his direction. She doesn't look at him but he can see a small slight glint in her eye.

"You kissed me back," Elliot argues pushing a teasing lilt into his voice.

Olivia sighs and Elliot almost smiles. It reminds him of when she's in the interrogation room about to wrangle a confession out of a suspect, he loves watching her doing and he regrets that he may never get to see her do it again. Olivia's frustrated because she's confused and he feels guilty for blindsiding her again.

"I want to do it again."

…

Olivia whips her head around when Elliot says that. "Excuse me?" She hisses. She hides the smirk which threatens to form as he stutters over his response.

"Well," he drawls out and it's his turn to refuse to look at her.

Olivia's eyes glance to his neck, where a pink flush is rising above the collar of his shirt. She inwardly rejoices that she has cracked through his calm attitude. It boosts her confidence that she's not the only one who's nervous.

"That's not what I meant," Elliot tries again. "I do want to kiss you again, but I also want to have dinner with you when it's not a break while working, I want go out for a drink with you when it's not celebrating a case or drowning our sorrows." Now he looks at her fully, and stops when he realises she's watching him.

Their eyes connect and for a long moment it seems like everything else stops. Olivia holds her breath and waits for Elliot to finish his explanation. He breathes out gently, suddenly focused when staring at her. "I want to date you," he says simply.

She searches his face and she knows he's telling her the truth not mollifying her. She has to admit his admission provokes warmth growing in the pit of her stomach despite her uncertainty. For years, the man before her has been the only family she knew. Creeping into her life without her realising it, taking up residence in her heart, Elliot has left a mark on her and she doesn't want to think about destroying that connection with him. He's a huge part of her life, she's not sure if she's ready for him to be everything in her life.

"I don't know Elliot," she admits and her voice cracks.

…

Elliot tries not to sag with her rejection. He knows she doesn't mean to hurt him, Olivia's being honest. She's scared of getting hurt by him.

"I understand Liv," he explains gravely. It pains him to tell her.

All she's ever known was people leaving, and he realises what he's done, why she reacted worse to him leaving the unit than his marriage. He's become another person to abandon her. She thinks that without their partnership there's nothing to connect them. He pledges silently to do everything he can to change that.

Olivia is still staring at him and he can see the glistening sheen in her eyes as they begin to water. She hates to cry in front of people and she's done that a few times in his presence in the last few months. He feels honoured that she trusts him to witness it. He looks away to give her a sense of privacy as she sniffs lightly to reign in her emotions.

"Have dinner with me tonight," Elliot asks gently. When the invitation goes unanswered he asks again. "Come home with me," he's says lowering his voice intimately. "It's not a date, just dinner."

Olivia sniffs again before she forces out a sarcastic laugh at his persistence. She sighs as he turns to look at her, his concern evident. "Why?" She asks.

Elliot fights the urge to frown; instead he covers it with a fake smile which she can see through in a second. "Because it's cold out here, and you need food."

…..

Olivia is about to argue but her stomach rebels with a loud rumble. She hasn't eaten anything since the bagel she had for breakfast. She looks down sheepishly and hears his laugh while out of the tops of her eye's she sees his chest move with the vibration. Olivia drops her eyes to his watch and realises she's been on the roof for just over an hour. It was just dinner, Olivia tells herself. Something they've done thousands of times before. She sighs again and looks up at him.

"Okay," she finds herself agreeing. She pushes the niggling voice telling her it's a bad idea to the back of her head.

She follows his lead as he gives her a soft smile and slowly rises from their seated position. They make their way down the staircase and back to the squad room. She takes her time shutting down her desk, ignoring his desk which is now empty save for the overflowing box that sits on top. She shuts her lamp off and shoulders her bag.

She finally lifts her head to find him looking back at her. Olivia wonders if this is the last time they will look at each other across their desks. This is a goodbye for him, she realises, to the squad, his desk, their partnership. He's saddened expression is tinged with relief rather than regret. There's no doubt though, just apprehensive confidence. She hopes he has enough for both of them.

Elliot's lips lift and settle into a line, his eyes softening at her. He nods his head in the direction of the door in silent question. She can't help but let him wait a beat longer than necessary before bobbing her head in agreement.

…

Half an hour later they trudge through the front door of Elliot's new apartment. They shrug off their now wet coats. The rain had started as they left the precinct and continued to get heavier as they drove the short distance to Elliot's building.

"What do you want for dinner?" Elliot asks as Olivia follows him into the kitchen. He grabs the phone from the wall there and watches as she stands in the middle of the room, looking at the boxes lined against one wall. His life in a few boxes, even he had been captivated by it. Eli had brought more stuff over for his bedroom than Elliot had for the rest of the apartment.

Olivia turns slowly, remembering his question. "I don't mind," she tells him.

"Pizza?" He checks and she nods. She shutting down in the face of his new living arrangements and he wants to do something to draw her back to him. "You never did answer me when I asked you to help me unpack."

Olivia raises an eyebrow but her stance eases. "I'm not helping you unpack," she replies as she steps towards him, distancing herself from the boxes which are overbearing despite the new furniture in the apartment.

He dials a number from memory and places their usual order, giving his new address which he's still trying to get used to. He feels her eyes on him when he hangs up the phone and silence ensues as neither of them is sure what to say.

Elliot glances around his kitchen trying to find something to focus on. The fridge draws his attention and he wordlessly walks to it and takes out two beers and pops the caps on both before handing one to Olivia. He settles against the counter, taking a sip as she holds the bottle in her hand.

"Do the kids like the apartment?" Olivia asks, finally meeting his gaze. She's not only asking about the apartment, she's asking about the divorce and his transfer too.

"They like it more than the last one," he replies. He puffs out a laugh. "Eli loves his room and wants to decorate it when he stays next weekend."

Olivia smiles at the mention of his youngest, the one she helped to deliver into the world. "What colour did he choose?"

"He wants green to match a soccer pitch," Elliot explains with a smile. "He was asking Lizzie to paint a goal on one wall. I think he think's I'll let him play soccer in his room as there's no garden."

Olivia laughs and it's the first time she hasn't forced anything since he stepped into the squad room earlier that evening.

"There's a park nearby," she offers warmly, accepting.

He files the information away with a nod and a promise to himself to ask her to go with him and Eli. Another silence ensues; both of them take long drags from their bottles. Elliot watches Olivia watching him. Her eyes rake of him uncertainly. Her mouth opens once and closes as she reconsiders voicing her thoughts. But then she changes her mind again.

"You never answered me," she says.

Elliot frowns. "When?"

"When I asked you when you decided to do this," she explains.

"I started thinking about it when I got hit by that ricocheting bullet," Elliot sighs. "I don't like it when the Feds get involved in our cases," he explains. "Not for what you think though. I mean I don't like the way they come in and take over. I just can't shake the feeling that you're gonna disappear again every time they get involved."

"You did this because you thought I was going to leave again?" Olivia asks, her brow wrinkling in confusion.

Elliot shakes his head. "No, because you made sure to show me you weren't." He pauses. "You didn't need to tell me about Dana being assaulted but you did. You made sure to involve me, I don't know whether you realised it, but I knew you weren't going anywhere."

….

Olivia stares back at him, refusing to let her guard down at his admission no matter how uneasy it makes her. She hadn't done it intentionally; she had wanted his input in the investigation. It was more about having his support, made her feel safer. She had felt compelled to tell him; she didn't want anything to rock their then stable partnership.

"Now you're the one leaving," she counters.

"I'm right here Liv," Elliot assures her sincerely. He pushes away from the counter and moves closer to her.

The air around them changes as he steps into her personal space. She doesn't back away when Elliot stops beside her.

"_You kissed me back."_

His words come back to her as he ducks his head slightly and she knows what he's going to do. She knows it will complicate things further while everything is still so confused. She can't bring herself to push him away and lifts her chin.

"We're thinking about it too much Liv," Elliot whispers before placing his lips on hers.

Their lips don't stay still for long and her arms rise to wrap around his neck when they start to move against each other. She feels him smile against her at her movement and she opens her mouth when his tongue presses against her lips. Their tongues slide against together as the kiss deepens and she whimpers into his mouth when he grasps her waist and pulls her to him. It isn't just her mouth pressed against his, her whole body touching his. She can feel his hard chest against hers.

Elliot pulls back for a second to catch his breath, but he's soon crashing his lips on hers again. The kiss is hard and unapologetic unlike the reassuring feel it had moments ago. It feels like he's trying to devour her, trying to make a point, trying to get her to forget any thoughts of what happens after this kiss. Its' working as she lets herself get lost in his touch, even though she would never admit that to him.

His fingers run across the edge of her shirt before dipping underneath. They caress the small of her back. She moans her encouragement as he strokes the skin there. He groans gently as if he wants more. His movements become increasingly desperate. Elliot's feet shuffle and Olivia lets him guide her backward to the kitchen wall.

She knows she should stop this before it goes too far, it would complicate everything. It could simplify, too, she reasons with herself. Even if they let this happen once, they would at least know what it would be like if it didn't work out.

Her back hits the wall and Elliot holds himself off of her, careful to give her space to get away if she wants to. She doesn't. She moans in protest when Elliot removes his hands from her waist and places them on the wall either side of her. His movements slow and become languid. His body moves closer and she realises how she missed it. The kiss continues and she allows herself to relax. Elliot breaks away from her mouth; his hands grabbing her hips again as he places open mouthed kisses along her jaw and down her neck.

Her head rolls against the wall when his teeth graze her collar bone. She doesn't want him to stop, doesn't want to think about consequences. Just wants to think about the way he's making her feel. Her eyes drift shut only to spring open when she hears the buzzer. Olivia wants to ignore the faint dinging of the bell but she can feel him tensing when someone pushes the doorbell. She knows the pizza boys tip just cut in half as he growls, pulling away from her as whoever is at the door becomes more insistent.

Olivia can't help but smile at his scowl as he stomps off to the door. She tries not to laugh at the absurdity when he swings open the door to revel a bored looking teenager holding a pizza box. Elliot slaps a few bills into his free hand and takes the pizza without a word, slamming the door shut. He returns to the kitchen and throws the box haphazardly onto the counter before turning to her again.

…

He's still breathing deeply and his heart beat is slowing. The adrenaline is still coursing through him. He can't help but stare at the sight before him. Her chest is heaving as Olivia tries to regain control. Her hair is mussed from where he trapped her between him and wall, her lips swollen from being under his. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes sparkle in amusement. A laugh escapes her, a low, throaty, sexy sound. It's aimed at him but he can't bring himself to care if he's responsible for that particular noise. He wants to do anything that will make her do it over and over again. The same goes for making her moan, sigh, and whimper.

Olivia still stood leaning on the wall and didn't look like she was going to move anytime soon. Her laughter died and she smiled warmly at him. He's fingers twitch and he misses the loss of her. The smile slips, and her eyes narrow a fraction. Her bottom lip drops and the tip of her tongue darts across it on the inside of her mouth. He's still staring. She's not telling him to stop.

Olivia straightens on the wall. Elliot recognises it a silent challenge, an invitation. He accepts by stepping forward. She laughs again and it feels like a victory to him. Elliot stops just inside of her personal space.

"What?" He asks.

"I thought you wanted dinner," Olivia replies with a nod over his shoulder to the discarded pizza box.

Elliot doesn't glance at the 'interruption'. "Not hungry anymore," he practically growls, deliberately looking at her lips. She emits that laugh again.

He gives into temptation and his hand reaches out to the curve of her waist. Her back arcs off the wall, moving into him rather than flinching away. His fingers slide over her shirt, causing it rise and expose her smooth skin. She shivers and it's not from being cold. His eyes drop and follow the path of his hand.

Elliot feels rather than sees Olivia move, closing the distance between them. Her breath skims his face. Her nose nudges his to get his attention all the while leaning into his hands, encouraging him. He stubbornly tries to keep his focus on where his hand is, moving his free hand to her other hip, but her perfume invades his senses and he has to look at her.

Olivia takes the lead this time and kisses him first. Her hand toys with his shirt collar as she kisses him. It seems more desperate this time and in his hands slip under her shirt, pulling her to him. She moans into his mouth, her body shivering with the contact.

He turns her away from the wall and urges her to walk backwards. He guides her towards his bedroom. She lets him. He suppresses a shudder when her hands slide into his hoody and eases it from his shoulders. They're a metre away from his bedroom when she drags her mouth away from his and her hands are quick as they lift his shirt over his head. All he can do is raise his arms to help her. Elliot's skin prickles because of the cool temperature. His hands itch to do the same to her clothes.

Her mouth touches his neck and she's kissing a path up to his jaw. He didn't intend for this to happen so quickly, but he doesn't want to stop. He revels in the fact that she's more active this time than she was before; her initial passivity worried him. He hoped it wouldn't return after. He hoped he would be able to deal with it if it did return, especially if she was lying in his arms when it happened. He doesn't want her to regret him. Elliot won't ask her if she's sure, because she'll never forgive him for questioning, making him voice what she's showing him. She won't be ready to tell him for a long time, but he finds solace in her actions.

Elliot is distracted as her mouth meets his once again and he presses forward towards the door. He lifts his arm over her shoulder before her back hits it and pushes it open. Neither of them falters until the back of her legs hit the mattress and she stumbles lightly.

…

Olivia gasps, her lips pulling away as she reaches behind her to brace herself. Her head looks back at Elliot when he chuckles. She smiles and lifts her free hand to cup his jaw, bringing his face closer to kiss. His eyes turn a deep shade of blue.

Elliot pushes her back as he places one knee on one side of her legs, and then raises his other to do the same on the opposite side. He leans over her while kissing her deeply. His hands take hold of her and his leg hooks around his. He turns them over and Olivia quickly manoeuvres her legs so she is now straddling him. She toes off her shoes and they drop to the floor.

His hands toy with the edge of her shirt again, and she smiles at his hesitation. He's waiting for a sign from her. She straightens, keeps her eyes locked on his as she grasps her shirt and lifts it over her head. She doesn't wait for him to take in the sight as she swoops in to kiss him. It's all the sign he needs, his hands become bolder in their exploration.

She moves over him and feels his arousal through his clothes. Her reaction is instinctual and can't help settling onto him fully. They both groan at the teasing contact. His hands skim up over her shoulder blades, brushing her bra strap. His hands pause there, warming her skin. His mouth trails hot kisses down her neck and she arcs into him. His fingers make quick work of the mechanism and he's fingers hook the straps, bringing them down her arms.

Elliot throws the garment over his shoulder and she hears it land but doesn't look away from Elliot expression as he cups her breast before kissing the upper curve, suckling the skin gently before lowering his mouth to capture her nipple.

Her eyes close at the sensation and she melts into him as he continues to explore her. The angle at which he's holding himself up becomes too much for him and he flips them once more, pushing her further onto the bed as he does so. Elliot's arms brace either side of her as his mouth travels down her stomach. It isn't until he reaches her trousers that he puts his weight on his knees and uses his hands to snap the button open and pulls them off of her impatiently. They're thrown in the same direction as her bra with a soft thud.

She feels her need for him grow as he teases the edge of her underwear with his fingertips. Her hips jerk to encourage him but he just laughs at her impatience, seemingly forgetting his own urgency from seconds ago. He lets her squirm for a few seconds longer, his fingertips drawing patterns on her skin. She lifts her hips again and softly kisses just above the fabric.

Elliot curls his fingers around the material and tugs them down her legs. He has to stand as he slips them over his feet and Olivia fights the urge to curl up in the comforter under his gaze.

"Don't," he says as if reading her thoughts. "You're beautiful," Elliot tells her gruffly, focusing on her face.

She wonders if she accidentally voiced them, but then she notices her hands have tightened around bunches of quilt. She releases them but that doesn't stop the blush spreading across her flesh. Her eyes look away from the intensity in his, finding his jeans which are still on. She feels like she's at a disadvantage as there are still clothes on his body. He must think her eye drop is a deliberate pointer and his hands start to unbuckle his belt. She wants to do it, but she stays still, watching him intently. Elliot pushes his jeans to floor in a hurry, along with his boxers. He steps out of his shoes and socks at the same time, leaving his clothes in a heap at the foot of the bed.

His hands land on her legs and they retrace their journey up her body, his mouth following until they reach her centre. Elliot locks gazes with her as he slides his arm under her hip and hooks a leg over his shoulder. She doesn't tell him to stop and feels her surrender under him as he sweeps his mouth over her inner thigh. Elliot kisses the sensitive skin there before descending on her. She bucks into him as his tongue teases her, swirling over her. Olivia feels her orgasm building as he takes his time to bring her to the edge. She pants and writhes under his mouth. Her back propels off the bed as he finally allows her climax, and he keeps his mouth on her, drawing it out.

Olivia flops back on to the bed with a sigh. Elliot hovers over her, watching as she comes down from her release, seemingly unconcerned by his arousal trapped between them. Olivia slips a hand between them and touches him, revelling in the feel of him in her hand, the widening of his eyes, and the tensing of his muscles as he glances at what she's doing.

Elliot is holding onto his control. He needs her to be the one who initiates this bit, prove to him that she's sure about this. One way or another they've changed their relationship irrevocably. He started this the moment he asked Kathy for a divorce; he needs Olivia to finish it.

Her hand stills and he sighs. One of his fingers brushes a lock of hair behind her ear, his forehead settling on hers as he waits. Olivia plants her feet on the edge of the bed and pushes up so he's between her thighs, she's more than ready for him. She lifts her head and their mouths meet sweetly as he pushes into her.

They move against one another slowly, learning. She knows she will never forget this moment, and before the nights out she wants to repeat it. Several times. They instinctively know what the other wants; Olivia is fascinated that she's never known another lover the way she knows Elliot. That thought entices and terrifies her all at the same time.

Her nails trail up and down his back in encouragement as he hits a particular spot and he responds with a guttural groan as he repeats the action. Her leg wraps around his hip, pulling him deeper as his thrusts quicken. He keeps hitting the same spot and she feels her climax rising.

Elliot captures her lips once more in a fierce kiss. Her hips lift frantically and she feels herself peeking and clenches around him. He keeps moving in her and another orgasm rips through her just as the other one finishes. Her muscles tighten again and Elliot goes over the edge with her, whispering her name.

…

They collapse onto the bed, and Elliot rolls off of her only to move them under the covers for warmth. She rolls into his side and lays her head on his bare chest. His fingers play with her hair. Olivia doesn't say anything and he doesn't expect her to.

He has no idea what the future holds. He knows that the woman in his arms is about to start thinking, questioning, and he mentally prepares for the onslaught of doubt which may erupt. He wants to fend it off for as long as possible, doesn't want it to ruin this moment.

Elliot just wants to enjoy having Olivia in his arms. It surpasses any fantasy he's ever had about her. He doesn't want to worry about the future. Because this moment outweighs all of the doubt, the apprehension, the fear either of them could feel.

He squeezes her tighter when her lips kiss his chest.

"_Happiness is a risk. If you're not a little scared, then you're not doing it right."  
>― <em>_Sarah Addison Allen__, __The Peach Keeper_


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Note – I wasn't going to add a third chapter but an idea took root in my head while I was trying to write a chapter for another story, combined with kind words of 'encouragement' from people (you know who you are), so it had to be written. It's taken longer than I thought and at one point I was on the verge of scraping it but I think I've managed to save it. Hope it makes sense. Please enjoy, I love reading what you guys think, so if you've got the time please leave a review. **

**FLASHBACKS ARE IN ITALICS.**

**JUST A REMINDER THIS IS M-RATED, SO IF YOU'RE A MINOR OR THAT KIND OF MATERIAL MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE DON'T READ BEYOND THIS POINT.**

Chance – chapter three

'_I__ think there's a difference between a gamble and a calculated risk.__'_

_Edmund H North _

Her head is cradled in her hand and it's throbbing. She's not sure what brought on the headache – the lack of sleep, the repeated asking of where Elliot was, the apologies, the inane glances from her co-workers. Olivia could feel their stares but she steadfastly kept her eyes cast downwards on the paper work she was trying to finish. She re-read the last sentence and realised the mistake she made. Sighing she screwed the paper up into a ball.

She heard a snicker from Fin and shot him a glance. He swallowed his laughter and looked at his partner in amusement. Olivia followed his gaze to a very smug Munch. She hated the new view given to her by the empty desk in front of her. Elliot would no longer hinder her line of sight; no longer shield her from Munch's mocking gaze. If that wasn't bad enough, she heard the new detectives chair roll and she knew the blonde was now watching the stand-off between the older, more experienced members of the team. She hated being the centre of attention and now Elliot had abandoned her to deal with _this_ on her own.

"What's so funny John?" Olivia asks.

He's still got that smug grin on his face, and she can't see his eyes behind his tinted glasses, but she knows there's a twinkle in them. "My partner and I were pondering that fetching shade of green on your wrist."

Her forehead scrunches into a frown as she lifts her head from her hand and looks to where her sleeve has slipped down her arm to revel a small streak of green paint. She had been helping Elliot paint Eli's room before the captain called her in. Olivia lays her arm flat on the desk to hide the offending spot. She must have missed a spot when she was cleaning her arm after she got called into work. Another thing to blame Elliot for…

She rolled her eyes in response to seasoned sergeant. "I was decorating," she replies coolly. It's meant as a warning but she knows it's futile because a rebuff only entices John more.

Sure enough he's soon rising from his chair and coming over to the empty desk which sits in front of hers. Olivia tries not to think of it as Elliot's desk, in the past week she's tried to convince herself that he has another desk, another partner, in the unit downstairs. But she wasn't going to see it, was determined to hang onto a little denial for a little longer.

Munch stood behind the empty chair, his hands resting on the back of it as he leant in conspiratorially. "What's Stabler's new place like?"

Olivia schools her features, not wanting to give anything away in response to the smug implication. Not that it would do any good, they all assumed, they all knew what had happened. She had been forced to endure his 'leaving drink' when Fin and Munch marched them to the bar around the corner from the precinct, Rollins trailing behind them with Cragen. She had nursed a beer all night, ignoring the curious glances from her team mates and the other detectives who had joined them to wish Elliot well in his new job. She recognised the forced smile on Elliot's face, the one which didn't reach his eyes. He was worried about her too and made his excuses to leave with her when he announced he was also going to call it a night. Though she saw through his flimsy reasons, and she knew the others did too, Olivia let him take her home, allowed him to follow her up to her apartment and spend the night. She ignored thoughts of consequences, of complications, because she wanted Elliot.

_Elliot's arm lay draped across her waist, his fingers tracing nonsensical patterns on her skin just under her breast. His other arm lay under her head, reaching along her arm stretched out from her to clasp her hand in his, their fingers intertwining. Even after their initial lust was satiated she couldn't stop arching her back into his chest, his lips caressing her shoulder, trailing to the nape of her neck._

"_Liv…" he whispered into her ear, his breath blowing across it. _

_Her free hand falls on the one tracing her skin under her bust, stilling its movement; clasping it she drags it up her body._

"Liv…"

Her eyes snap up to John's as she's brought out of her reverie. "It's nice."

Then she realises her mistake when Fin's shoulders shake with laughter he doesn't even try to hide. Not even the sharp look she sends his way stops him. She's just confirmed their suspicions and Munch looks victorious before he spins on his heel and returns to his desk.

She blames it on the lack of sleep. She blames the lack of sleep on Elliot.

She's spent two of the last seven nights alone, and that's only because she was working and had to catch a few hours' sleep in the crib. All she wants to do is go home to her own bed and curl up in the comforter, hopefully finding a peaceful slumber. But that plan is shattered when she realises she needs to change the sheets after she and Elliot spent Friday night there. Olivia doesn't want to spend the night sleeping in a bed that smells like him, them. That wouldn't help her think. None of their nights together had been planned. He wasn't supposed to spend the night on Friday; he'd offered her lift as they met by accident as she had taken the stairs instead of the elevator, trying to convince herself she needed to stretch her legs rather than avoiding Elliot.

She doesn't want to deal with this. She wants a moment to herself to think about what she, they're, doing. Every time they've seen each other since last Sunday they've ended up in a tangled heap of sheets, panting into one another as they recover from their climaxes. Olivia has had every intention of telling him they have to slow down, of telling him how mad she is that he's left her alone to deal with the stares from their colleagues and Cragen.

Cragen.

Olivia knows she's been dragging her heels this week, and while she's still delivered results she knows the captain is giving her leeway with her brash attitude while she adjust to life in the unit without Elliot, without her partner. She and Fin have alternated in showing the new detective around in the last week. She's beginning to get used to having the younger woman around but she can't bring herself to make the effort to get to know her just yet. Her head lifts as she hears the older man's door open and he steps out.

"Everything okay out here?" Cragen asks looking around the room but Olivia knows the question is directed at her. Everyone mumbles their agreement and returns to their paperwork.

Cragen scans the squad room, and once he's confident that everyone is concentrating on what they're meant to be he slides into the chair beside Olivia. Looking out of the top of her eyes Olivia glances to Fin and Munch, their attention is on their paperwork but she knows they're listening. She doesn't dare look at the newest member of the team. Olivia waits for Cragen to say whatever it is he's going to but he stalls by reaching for the balled up form on her desk. Her mouth twitches to say something as he reads it and spots the mistake she made. After what seems like minutes rather than seconds Cragen puts the paper back on her desk.

"Finish the paperwork tomorrow, it's supposed to be your weekend off."

"It was a mistake Captain," Olivia replies trying not to sound defensive. He'd said it gently, but she knows it's a dismissal which she needs to abide by. His fatherly tone is full of concern and he's giving her the opportunity to get her head in the right place. She appreciates it but she doesn't want or expect special treatment.

"And it can be fixed tomorrow," he says with a little more force.

Olivia finally looks at him and knows it's futile to argue. She nods her head as he rises from the chair, he picks up the crumpled paper to take with him to shred. Just as he turns his hand she sees her mistake again. She sighs and then complies with his order, shutting down her desk as quickly as she can under the watchful gaze of her colleagues before grabbing her jacket and saying a quick and quiet goodnight to the room rather than individuals. One thought kept going through her head.

She had written Elliot's name next to hers on the form.

…

"_I'm going to take a shower," Olivia announces rising from the sofa. _

_She leaves her bedroom door open as an invitation while she silently undresses with her back to the door. Olivia wraps herself in one of the towel she's left on the radiator. She leaves the other one for him. Crossing the room she enters the bathroom, leaving the door open again. _

_Pushing aside the curtain Olivia reaches out and turns the dial to start the shower, setting the water to warm. She hears the springs of her sofa creak as Elliot rises from it. Olivia looks over her shoulder and sees his shadow cast in her bedroom. Dropping the towel quickly she ducks under the spray of water and waits. _

_The water is loud as it streams over her, but she can hear Elliot follow her into the bathroom, hear the rustling of fabric as he strips off his shirt, the buckle of his belt as he undoes it before lowering the zip of his trousers, the clank of the buckle when it hits the tiles on the floor._

_She faces the shower head, the water is warm and she ducks her head under the flow to coat her hair. Her hands run through it to push the wet strands out of her face. She tries not to concentrate on the fact that Elliot still hasn't joined her, that he's on the other side of the curtain, watching her silhouette, waiting for a verbal invitation. She's determined not to give one; he knows how hard this is for her. She wants him to act on her silent clues, just like he did in the field. She's about to shut off the water and get her towel when the curtain slides open again and a rush of cold air hits her as Elliot steps in behind her._

_Olivia doesn't turn to him when he moves closer, his chest brushing her shoulder as he boldly reaches around her to adjust the temperature of the water. It's warmer and Olivia falters back into him when his hand withdraws from the dial to rest on her hip to steady her, pulling her into him. She feels him hard behind her. Elliot pauses, giving her the chance to move away, his silent question if she's sure. He does it every time they're together._

_When she doesn't make a move to remove his hand from her, his hand dips around the front of her body, sliding upwards till his palm cups her breast and his thumb is circling her nipple._

Olivia shuts off the now cold water and shivers as she pushes aside the curtain to grab her towel. Her skin prickles at the cold air coming in through her bedroom window which is cracked. She wraps the warm towel around her ignoring the memory of Elliot doing it for her just a few nights ago.

She strides into her bedroom and closes the window. She dries quickly and pulls on her comfortable pyjamas, ignoring the twinges in her muscles, the slight bruising on her hips. Olivia's had energetic lovers before but none of them have been as possessive as Elliot, and she gave into it willingly. Elliot wasn't the only one who was possessive this week and she's left her fair share of marks on him.

She looks at the inviting bed with the fresh sheets. She wants to crawl into it and sleep but her rumbling stomach has other ideas. Twenty minutes later she's sitting on her sofa, chewing on some pasta as she watches some rerun on television. Her phone beeps on the coffee table but she tries to ignore it, she knows it's Elliot. They haven't spoken since she left his place this morning. She wants a night to herself in her own bed.

It's happening too quickly.

Elliot's not planning this either, they're both being swept up in the release of their years of pent up tension. Their self-control is useless once they're alone together. She's more aware of Elliot physically. She always has been, now it seems more important not to touch each other in public. Once it was upholding professional distance, now Olivia's scared they won't stop.

The phone beeps again. It won't be long till Elliot is knocking on her door if she ignores it. Olivia is confused by how easy it has been to slip into a physical relationship with him, how easy she finds it to lie in bed with him afterwards. They don't speak much, nothing of his children or former wife, nothing of their cases, nothing of their developing relationship, both of them scared of something would shatter the moment. His presence is comforting in the middle of the night when they're cocooned in sheets and blankets and she doesn't have the urge to leave like she's had with other lovers.

The phone beeps again. She ignores it.

'_Are you going to run?'_

Their conversation on the roof keeps playing through her mind. She still doesn't have an answer for Elliot. She's hiding rather than running, Olivia tries to convince herself. She is scared she'll run. She wants space. But she starts to think when she's alone.

The phone bleeps again in reminder and she sighs. Putting her bowl on the coffee table she reaches for the device, taping in her passcode quickly she sees the message from Elliot. Olivia sighs. He was just wondering how the case was going.

No matter how comfortable she is sharing a bed with Elliot, it does little to console her of his absence in the squad room. Instead of typing a reply, Olivia hits connect. His phone rings three times before he picks up.

"Stabler," he answers distractedly.

She knows he hasn't checked the display. "Hi," Olivia says hesitantly. Something the other end clatters to the floor and she smiles when he swears.

"Hi, uh give me a minute," Elliot replies. Not waiting for her acknowledgement, Elliot starts tidying up whatever has spilt in his apartment. "Sorry, the black paint fell over," he apologises a few minutes later.

"It's okay," Olivia reassures. "Did you finish the goal for Eli?" She has no idea what else to say to him. She can't help but think this is a bad sign. If they don't have work to talk about or sex to fall back on, what else would be between them?

"Yeah, I just finished painting the net. How's the case going?" Elliot asks, repeating his question from the message.

"I miss you working with you," Olivia blurts out. Silence meets her declaration. Olivia knows her admission has shattered their little bubble. "Is it worth it?" She doesn't know if she's asking herself or Elliot. Elliot breathes heavily into the receiver. Olivia prepares herself for an onslaught of brooding.

"There's more to this life than work Liv," Elliot replies.

"And you just gave that life up for me," Olivia argues back, her irritation flares at his calm response. She doesn't want this reaction from Elliot. She expects frustration, anger and sulking.

"I didn't give anything up Liv," Elliot tells her. "Kathy and I were over a long time ago, I will always love her but I'm not in love with her. It's something that happened and I've come to terms with it. It had nothing to do with you, would have happened if you were in my life or not." He pauses. "Do you think this is worth it?"

Olivia stays quiet. She doesn't know.

"What happened?" He asks when she doesn't answer and in her head she can see him frown as he tries to figure what she's thinking, knowing she's rethinking, doubting.

"Cragen sent me home." Olivia hears fabric sliding and she knows he's straightened against whatever he's leaning against. She's gone home instead of to him. She knows her decision hurt him.

"What happened?" He repeats his brooding evident.

Her eyes screw shut as she pushes out her answer. "I wrote your name on a form." A deep, breathy chuckle meets her response and her irritation flares. "I'm glad you find this so amusing El."

His laugh continues into a snicker but he replies despite it. "No Liv…" he sighs as his laughter dies. "You have no idea how many times I've written your name instead of Kincaid's this week." He pauses again and she breathes through her anger. "It was on computer and I could delete…"

"You bastard," Olivia says but she laughs with him anyway.

"You went home," he accuses lightly, questioning. He's hurt and uncertain especially with her doubts.

"I wanted to sleep."

"And think?"

"And think," Olivia confirms with a bob of her head even though he can't see her.

"You could've come here," Elliot offers. "We could've talked."

Olivia shakes her head, ignoring the last part, ignoring the voice in her head saying he avoided those kinds of talks with Kathy. "No, if I had come to your place we would have had sex."

"You don't know that," Elliot tries to argue.

"Yes I do," she lowers her voice. He barks out a laugh before he sobers.

"Do you regret it?"

"No," Olivia replies softly, surprising herself with her honesty. For all of her doubts she doesn't regret the change in their relationship, she just misses their old relationship. Elliot was as passionate in bed as he was in all aspects of his life. Olivia could become addicted to his greedy, yet caring touch he used when he thoroughly explored her several times this past week. "Do you?" She asks.

"I could never regret you Olivia," Elliot says confidently. He waits for her to reply and sighs when she doesn't. "Why do we find it easier to talk on the phone?"

"Lately we've been distracted when we're in a room together," Olivia tells him with a blush he can't see.

"I don't know, I seem to remember you being quite vocal during our 'distraction'," Elliot says gruffly. "Kind of encouraging, a little bossy," he adds offhandedly.

"_Don't stop," Olivia breathes out as his tongue traces the skin of her inner thigh. Her hands tighten their grip on the sheets beneath her. His chuckle at her impatience reverberates across her core. Elliot has been teased her all evening. It started with his fingers on the inside of her knee as they watched a film, the swipe of his thumb on her finger as she passed him a beer, his hand sliding beneath the hem of her shirt as he reached around her to grab the plates. _

_Elliot strokes along the back of her knee gently as he repositions her leg higher on his shoulder. She shudders in anticipation and he laughs again. _

"_Asshole," she murmurs as he drops his mouth to her torment her further. _

_He's taken his time tonight. Building up from that first brief touch to the kisses he's peppered her skin with, noting the change in her sighs and moans. He's learning her, Olivia realises. It's testing her patience as he keeps stopping just as she's about to come. He slides a finger inside of her making her groan, her muscles flex. His lips press just to the side of his finger and she wonders if that is to calm her or a promise of what he'll do._

"_Elliot…" she moans as she moves her hips to direct him to where she wants him. His chuckle floats over her skin as he finally yields to her._

"Elliot," she snaps in protest. "Don't."

"What?" His voice rumbles and she knows he's done it intentionally to remind her of that night.

"You're not coming over tonight," Olivia tells him.

"Do you want to meet for breakfast tomorrow?"

She smiles indulgently at his tenaciousness. He's giving her space but he still wants reassurance she'll be there tomorrow. "This is changing everything."

"That's not a bad thing Liv," he replies seriously. She can imagine him, shoulder propped against the wall of Eli's newly painted bedroom as he stares through the slats of blinds at the street below.

"You don't think this is a risk?"

"Of course it's a risk, but I think it's worth it."

Olivia listens to the sound of his breathing. She envies his certainty. It reminds her that she needs to catch up, that while she was still indulging in unattainable fantasies he was working on a way to make them possible. She still can't quite grasp that particular fact, and his deception hurts.

"I'm angry with you Elliot."

"I know." He sounds contrite but it does little to appease her.

"You transferred out," she tells him. "You're leaving me to deal with the whispers and the assumptions. I mean how's it going to look when we're comfortable enough to start telling people about us, or when we have to declare our relationship because you catch a homicide which turns out to be a special victim's case?"

"We know the truth Liv."

"I know," Olivia replied with a slight sniffle. Her eyebrow arches in suspicion and she wonders if he's making an assumption or if he's spoken to someone in the squad, if when she ignored his message he rang her desk and someone else picked up. This was their business; no one else should be involved. She was embarrassed enough for being sent home this evening. Elliot doesn't wait for her to voice her suspicions before continuing.

"You're not the only one who's dealing with this. Do you know how many guys have asked me if you've got a new partner yet?"

"Really? How many?" She tried to joke.

"Liv," he says warningly with a small growl, the same one he gives her when she turns the tables on him, enticing him.

"Everything is changing so fast."

"It is and if you need me to back off I will. We can take this at whatever pace we need to."

"I just don't want you to wake up one day and realise that you're in a relationship you can't get out of."

Elliot doesn't reply and Olivia waits for him to agree with her. After a few seconds Elliot clears his throat and starts to speak. "D'you know what the best part of the last week has been for me?" The question is rhetorical and he doesn't wait for her to answer. "It's not the sex, though I do enjoy that," he pauses.

Olivia lays her head on the back of her sofa, listening to his voice. Marvelling how it softens intimately but still has a low timbre which resonates through her whole being, reassuring and terrifying all at the same time. It draws her in as if he was sitting next to her rather than being blocks away.

"The best part is after, when we're lying there and I'm listening to your breathing or your heartbeat." He stops and if it's possible his voice lowers even more. Her eyes drift shut. "You let me see that side of you."

_Light filters in through the half drawn blinds illuminating the bed. Her head rests on his chest, his heartbeat strong and steady under her ear. It's evened out in the aftermath of their climaxes. There's an odd tranquillity surrounding them. Elliot's hold is loose and she could pull away if she wanted too. _

_She doesn't. _

_Olivia's eyes grow heavy and she drifts sleepily as she lies on his chest. She doesn't usually like being held after sex, usually likes sleeping on her own side of the bed. She's not a snuggler, and she never imagined Elliot would be. _

_One hand is tangled in her hair, soothing her. Elliot's free hand rise, his fingers press under her chin tilting her face towards his. Their eyes meet in the dark. His hand lifts, guiding her up to him as he leans down to kiss her chastely. The feel of his lips on hers is familiar, affectionate. He means it as a goodnight. He doesn't mean for it to be arousing. It's lazy but they draw it out. They draw away slowly with one last peck, knowing full well it could lead to another bout of sex, but they're both satisfied for the night. _

_Olivia likes the feel of his arms around her, the solace she finds there. She lets him hold her, lets him see the mask slip as she falls asleep, the mask he's always seen through. _

He's wrong; she doesn't let him see it. Not intentionally anyway, never has. The wall which Olivia built between herself and others never existed between her and Elliot. With his persistence and tenacity Elliot got past her defences. This was easier with him; something she thought was because of the job. That was before last week, before she shared a bed with him.

"You've always seen me," Olivia breathes out, answering honesty with honesty. They don't need to pretend when they're together. They don't have to pretend they have regular jobs; they don't have to pretend they're not trying to forget the awful things they see or hear every day because they've been through it together. "Elliot," she says opening her eyes.

"Yeah," he says as hesitantly as she feels.

"Come over."

…..

Twenty minutes later the sound of her buzzer makes her jump. She strides to her door, pressing the button she speaks into the intercom. "Hello?"

"It's me Liv," Elliot replies.

He's barely gotten the words out when she holds the button down which will allow him entrance. She's been a bundle of nervous energy since she ordered him to come over. She watched the hand of the clock ticking around since she hung up the phone. It's the wait from when she presses the button to when she hears the soft, confident rapping knock on her door that is almost her undoing.

Trying to calm her anticipation Olivia takes a deep breath before sliding off the chain and unlocking the door to find Elliot on the other side. He's almost as desperate as she is when he pushes the door open only to push it shut with his foot when he presses her up against the wall, kissing her fiercely. Her arms slide around his neck, locking behind his head.

She realises how much she has missed him, not just sitting across from her, ponders once again how their relationship has changed so quickly. He wrenches her away from the wall, blindly walking her backwards to her bedroom. They divest each other their clothes urgently, Olivia barely registers the small rip she hears and makes a mental note to check their clothes later for a tear.

The back of her legs hit the mattress and she folds down onto it, moving up the bed as she draws Elliot down on top of her. His mouth closes over her nipple, sucking, gnawing it lightly. Her eyes roll back when his fingers toy with her other breast. She's more than ready for him and needs him to speed up. Her hand cups the back of his head, bringing him up to kiss her again.

His hand lifts to her face, his thump stroking her cheek gently. Olivia wants him, and she can feel Elliot hard against her hip. The angle of their kiss isn't satisfying for Olivia, and she doesn't have enough leverage to kiss him how she wants. He senses her need and lies next to her on the bed, facing her.

Elliot's hand drops from her jaw to her chest. She presses into his hand as she turns in his arms. His other hand leaves her head, moving to her neck, holding her face to his as she slides a leg over him and pushes up into a sitting position astride him. Olivia braces her hands on either side of his head, kiss him deeply, sliding her tongue against his. She has no idea how this started so quickly. They both groan as she sinks down on Elliot. His hands grip her hips to guide her movement.

Their pace is steady, unhurried initially slowly building into a frenzy. Olivia bucks her hips into him and Elliot's grip tightens on her hips and he moves her over him quicker, forcefully. One hand releases her and she flinches when she feels his fingers touch where they're joined. Elliot strokes her confidently, urging her towards her orgasm. She bores down on to him as he thrusts up, his fingers assert a little more pressure on her centre and she cries out her release, her muscles tightening around him as he finds his own climax.

Her movement slows as they ride out the last waves of their releases. Elliot's arms slide up her back, pulling her down to him. He kisses her quickly, their breath mingling as they calm down. Olivia lifts her hips off of him, groaning at the loss of him. Her heartbeat is still erratic. They crawl under the comforter. Elliot settles on his side, his head propped up on his elbow as Olivia lies on her back, tucking herself into his body, his warmth.

"I've missed my partner this week," she tells him, meeting his gaze. "But this is worth it."

She may have lost him as a partner but he's more than that now. There's still a lot to deal with. Neither of them is ready for any declarations. It's too soon. It's still a risk. A chance she's willing to take.


End file.
